contentment.

These past 10 days have been amazing. Truly amazing, the more I let go of control over my life the better things get. I could be going crazy right now thinking about the fact that I have three weeks left to raise a lot more support, and say goodbyes but I’m just not going to.

What I will continue to do is rest in the thought that God is sovereign, He loves me and in HIS timing He makes all things beautiful. Tomorrow morning I will be speaking along with Jon (stint team) and Alejandro (just got back from Panama) and I’m thrilled about this opportunity. Step-by-Step, God is guiding me to Panama and slowly I’m becoming more and more the woman He wants me to be.

Here are a few things that have become more and more apparent to me lately:
- I don’t often appreciate my family and friends as much as I should.
- Canada is a richly blessed nation, this I should be more grateful of as well.
- God uses our obstacles to help us overcome them and then display HIS power.
- There is an unending and relentless cycle of people through the ages trying to find contentment in the same old lame things…relationships (sex), escape (drugs, booze), money (possessions)…they never truly satisfy and we all know it.

Why is it so hard to find real life? Why do we try to hard to do it on our own when God just longs for us to surrender to His love and wisdom, purpose, plans…I wonder…
I should probably cut back on my rambling. Thanks to those who actually read these and enjoy them!! I promise to always update on what God is doing, what I’m doing…and what I’m learning most of all. Isn’t that what it’s all about? Until next time!

Philipians 4:4-7
Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

you've got to pull the ripcord.

These weeks are packed with preparations and forms and phone calls and business. All that I think and breathe and live is Panama. Getting there, praying for it, stressing about it, feeling utter joy and peace about it…the most interesting roller coaster I’ve ever experienced and the most beautiful. I thank God for calling me to be his hands and feet in Panama. And I thank Him for times like these, when all I have are his promises and I hold fast to them. This is faith, real faith.

Last week I had the privilege of going to wonderland with two great friends. I was struck with how differently everyone reacts to roller coasters/thrill rides. I absolutely love them. I love knowing that I’m safe and don’t have to worry that I’ll get hurt. But it was fun coaxing my friend Laura to do things she didn’t want to do. I couldn’t help but feel these roller coasters were spiritual experiences. Especially when twilight came and we were hoisted up in the air to make a 170 ft. free fall. You’ve got to pull the ripcord…3, 2, 1, FLY they say. It’s scary plunging so low with only a six feet distance between you and the cement BUT the bungee catches you and you feel weightless…free flying knowing you are secure.

If you don’t pull the ripcord, you can’t fly. Surrendering sucks at times. Generally it’s painful, though letting go to feel weightless in the arms of God is all I ever want to do. I have four weeks left to support raise the rest of the money I need to go. That’s like 28 days. Possible? I think so.

late night pondering.

I love listening to the rain. And I like reflecting on my days. This week's been full of learning, crying, laughing...and I'm struck again that this is the best way to live. To feel and live things deeply, with all that I am, the beauty amidst uncertainty, the adventure amidst angst. Since last weekend I've had this song stuck in my head on and off by Fleetwood Mac and the lyrics have really stuck with me.

Well I've been afraid of changing, cause I built my life around you

Time makes you bolder, children get older and I'm getting older too..

Can the child within myself, rise above?

Can I sail through the changing, oceans tide?

Can I handle the seasons of my life?

These words stuck in my head for a number of reasons, partially because my brother taught me how to play it on guitar but more because these lyrics are true to where I'm at. I'm afraid of change cause I've built my life around God, and my doubtful mind gets the best of me, at the worst of times. But I'm standing on sturdy ground, and God never fails to reassure me of His love. I guess I'm just getting sick myself.? I can't take ANY credit for what God has done and will do in my life. He longs to live more and more powerfully through us. Will we let him?

Matt. 7:25
The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house;
yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock.