my God saves.

There are a lot of things I don’t know. I’m just learning how to put sentences together in Spanish. I can’t tell you what it’s like to give birth or pay off a mortgage. I don’t know what turning 30 is like, or how a funeral of a close friend would wreck me. Even sooner, I don’t know what tomorrow will hold or what this day may bring. There are a lot of things I don’t have a clue about. That’s one thing I know for certain.

This is the point, we don’t know much. I don’t know how I’m getting to Panama. God does, I don’t. And as uncomfortable as this makes me, even to write…to put all trust in Him, whew…HE CAN HANDLE IT! This is where God wants to be. And it’s been a rocky road to get to this point of surrender again. This past Monday I learned that I really only have one more month to get all the finances in order for next year and only 7 weeks left at home. I. Freaked. Out. It was all up to me as I was sitting there perplexed and nauseous, I just couldn’t handle it. I thought I’d failed already, that I just wasn’t doing a good job for my Lord that I’d messed up or will mess up and thoughts compiled into one large heap of garbage.

Sleep does wonders. And God does too…after a day of work mayhem I went to a prayer and worship time at this random church in Brantford with Robyn. I recognized the Pastor, and I’ve never felt so at home with a bunch of strangers, all after the same thing…more of God and less of ourselves. I sought after God’s protection and peace and about an hour into the service some stranger pulled me aside. He said that God gave him a vision for me. God gave him a picture of me walking through an apple orchard, picking ripe apples off the trees with bushels behind me. He went onto explain that it meant that I will be heading into a season of bringing many people into the kingdom of God, mentoring, investing in many lives. He actually used the words I’ve been using to explain what’s going to happen in Panama, through “evangelism and discipleship” the nation will be changed. So 1) I’ve never met this guy before 2) Has he been reading my mail? 3) How did he know that I love that analogy of ripe fruit ready for harvest? He didn't!! Heck he didn't know my name...but God used him in a very powerful way...

Clearly, God is at work in my life and will not let my fears get in the way of his soverignty.

Habakuk 2:3-4

Slowly, steadily, surely, the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled. If it seems slow, wait patiently, for it will surely take place. It will not be delayed.4"Look at the proud! They trust in themselves, and their lives are crooked; but the righteous will live by their faith.

everyone was in on it.

SURPRISE!! I'm 21!!
Alright, so maybe I was more surprised than you are right now. I can now say that I’ve been thrown a surprise party, and am officially great with surprises…I loved it. Although my reaction of screaming and running away could indicate otherwise, a few more seconds to process the shock and I was all smiles. I didn’t know there were so many sneaky people in my life…that I love so much…

And as I grow older I know the decisions I make are shaping my future...critical choices and changes and yet I feel peace. God has guided my past as He is shaping my future, without this knowledge and continual surrender - God only knows where I'd be! This life is pretty crazy though, how years pass and time flies…it really makes me thankful for each day, each moment…this one and only Wednesday June 20th, 2007 that I get to live.

For instance, I just came back from a 2 hr. hike with my 78 (?) year old Grandpa. We talked, we laughed, we stopped for chocolate and juice and walked along an old train track. A reoccurring theme came to mind: Life is short!! Don’t waste it. Live with integrity even when it hurts. Walk in faith. What matters in heaven is what matters on earth. My grandpa was telling me that he didn’t even think he’d be alive in 2000. And he’s planning on sticking around for many years to come…(GO grandpa! How old will I be in 3000 again?) Don’t waste your life!! Don’t live in the past, and don’t focus on the future so hard that today gets blurry. Today is THE day; it’s the only one.

"For we are God's masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so that we can do the good things he planned for us long ago." Ephesians 2:10

jump.

This past week and a half has been amazingly jam-packed with goodness. Each day I get closer and closer to leaving and that makes me jump for joy and panic at the same time.

God have me alot of opportunites to grow and stretch for His glory and it's actually been a huge amount of fun. I didn't know there were so many spanish people around...ahah..all willing to chuckle at my apparent obession with learning their language.

Let me think of some things I learned this weekend..

1. God is in control of every detail of our lives, even if He allows us to think otherwise.
2. I reaaalllly do love warm rain. Thankyou Lord for that beautiful detail.
3. I try all to hard to fit God into a neat tricia-sized box. He has never, and will never fit into anything He created.
4. Chicken Enchiladas are realllly filling. Too much, and you will get nauseous.
5. Families are precious and beautiful things. Never take your family for granted.
6. Reggaetón orginated in Panama, and is best heard driving around white suburbia.
7. Followers of Christ could learn a thing or two from cliff jumpers...trust and GO.

The challenge to the missionary does not come on the line that people are difficult to get saved, that backsliders are difficult to relcaim, that there is a wedge of callous indifference; but along the line of his own personal relationship to Christ. "Belive ye that I am able to do this?" Our Lord puts that question steadily, it faces us in every individual case we meet. The one great challenge is - Do I know my Risen Lord? Do I know the power of His indwelling Spirit? Am I wise enough in God's sight, and foolish enough according to the world, to bank on what Jesus Christ has said, or am I abandoning the great supernatural position, which is the only call for a missionary, viz., boundless confiedence in Christ Jesus? If I take up any other meathod I depart altogether from the methods laid down by Our Lord - "All power is given unto Me...therefore go."

- Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest, Oct.27th

hands.

I came across this picture today and it spoke to a deep place inside of me. I don't ever want to forget that when all is said and done, I am just a small plant inside of God's hands. Safe and secure.

May the road rise to meet you. May the wind always be at your back. May the sunshine warm upon your face, the rain fall soft upon your fields. And until we meet again, May God hold you in the palm of his hand. - Irish Blessing

"See, I have engraved you on the palm of my hands;" - Isaiah 49:16