everyone was in on it.

SURPRISE!! I'm 21!!
Alright, so maybe I was more surprised than you are right now. I can now say that I’ve been thrown a surprise party, and am officially great with surprises…I loved it. Although my reaction of screaming and running away could indicate otherwise, a few more seconds to process the shock and I was all smiles. I didn’t know there were so many sneaky people in my life…that I love so much…

And as I grow older I know the decisions I make are shaping my future...critical choices and changes and yet I feel peace. God has guided my past as He is shaping my future, without this knowledge and continual surrender - God only knows where I'd be! This life is pretty crazy though, how years pass and time flies…it really makes me thankful for each day, each moment…this one and only Wednesday June 20th, 2007 that I get to live.

For instance, I just came back from a 2 hr. hike with my 78 (?) year old Grandpa. We talked, we laughed, we stopped for chocolate and juice and walked along an old train track. A reoccurring theme came to mind: Life is short!! Don’t waste it. Live with integrity even when it hurts. Walk in faith. What matters in heaven is what matters on earth. My grandpa was telling me that he didn’t even think he’d be alive in 2000. And he’s planning on sticking around for many years to come…(GO grandpa! How old will I be in 3000 again?) Don’t waste your life!! Don’t live in the past, and don’t focus on the future so hard that today gets blurry. Today is THE day; it’s the only one.

"For we are God's masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so that we can do the good things he planned for us long ago." Ephesians 2:10

jump.

This past week and a half has been amazingly jam-packed with goodness. Each day I get closer and closer to leaving and that makes me jump for joy and panic at the same time.

God have me alot of opportunites to grow and stretch for His glory and it's actually been a huge amount of fun. I didn't know there were so many spanish people around...ahah..all willing to chuckle at my apparent obession with learning their language.

Let me think of some things I learned this weekend..

1. God is in control of every detail of our lives, even if He allows us to think otherwise.
2. I reaaalllly do love warm rain. Thankyou Lord for that beautiful detail.
3. I try all to hard to fit God into a neat tricia-sized box. He has never, and will never fit into anything He created.
4. Chicken Enchiladas are realllly filling. Too much, and you will get nauseous.
5. Families are precious and beautiful things. Never take your family for granted.
6. Reggaetón orginated in Panama, and is best heard driving around white suburbia.
7. Followers of Christ could learn a thing or two from cliff jumpers...trust and GO.

The challenge to the missionary does not come on the line that people are difficult to get saved, that backsliders are difficult to relcaim, that there is a wedge of callous indifference; but along the line of his own personal relationship to Christ. "Belive ye that I am able to do this?" Our Lord puts that question steadily, it faces us in every individual case we meet. The one great challenge is - Do I know my Risen Lord? Do I know the power of His indwelling Spirit? Am I wise enough in God's sight, and foolish enough according to the world, to bank on what Jesus Christ has said, or am I abandoning the great supernatural position, which is the only call for a missionary, viz., boundless confiedence in Christ Jesus? If I take up any other meathod I depart altogether from the methods laid down by Our Lord - "All power is given unto Me...therefore go."

- Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest, Oct.27th

hands.

I came across this picture today and it spoke to a deep place inside of me. I don't ever want to forget that when all is said and done, I am just a small plant inside of God's hands. Safe and secure.

May the road rise to meet you. May the wind always be at your back. May the sunshine warm upon your face, the rain fall soft upon your fields. And until we meet again, May God hold you in the palm of his hand. - Irish Blessing

"See, I have engraved you on the palm of my hands;" - Isaiah 49:16

love.

Well I sit here, ready to embark on another week…managing at the teahouse is a lot of new responsibility and a lot of fun. This past weekend has been a blast. I’ve met up with great friends and had such a refreshing time at the global day of prayer yesterday.

God is patient with me. I’ll be honest, through the trying times of support raising I’ve sought God to tell me clearly to go back to school and not to Panama. As you can imagine, I felt completely ridiculous doing this because everything in me knows where I am supposed to go. And it sure won’t be back to McMaster next year. It’s hard praying prayers you know won’t occur…if that makes any sense.

Last Friday night I was coming back from Toronto, watching airplanes zoom by and I was just peacefully hanging with God. And then just as I was heading up a hill, my car dies. It completely ran out of gas, and granted I knew it was low. But I thought I knew the car, it had never burnt out on me before. So I panicked, phoning Robyn as I was unintentionally backing down a main road, “I’m currently going backwards on Brant St., COME AND FIND ME!” All of this to say that as I was standing there in the cold, feeling not so happy anymore, I got discouraged and doubtful. Classic: times get rough and I cave. But this time I was praying, "please confirm my going to Panama again at the day of prayer. If you do this, I’ll stop bothering you about it. And please, bring me some gas?"

The gas came and I went. And yesterday the place was packed. We finally found seats and started to pray. A couple minutes flew by and the words I’m hearing from the stage are echoing behind me…but in Spanish. Out of all the places to sit! I was SURROUNDED. The little boy and girl maybe 6 or 7 yrs old sat down right next to me and were talking about me..haha..and about how I kept on looking at them. I was in shock!!? Was I just going delusional? I kept on double-checking that they were translating into Spanish and not Italian or something. And then I sat there in such awe, that God would answer my foolish, doubtful prayer…again. I sat there and wept. Actually I was leaking the whole night. The love God has given me for Panama, Latin America is something I can’t explain. It just oozes out. God’s love is something I think I’m finally beginning to grasp…maybe… it’s just so huge. And amazing.

So that was confirmation #2.2 Bizzilion,

now I really can’t have any excuses.

Honour and Praise to HIS name.
Now I’m off to work.

freedom.

"The uncertainties of life can help to remind each of us that we are dependent on our Father in Heaven. But that reminder is not automatic. It involves our agency. We must choose to take our fears to him, choose to trust him, and choose to allow him to direct us. We must make these choices when what we feel most inclined to do is to rely more and more on our own frantic and often distorted thinking." ~Virginia H. Pearce

I am learning so much about choosing to embrace the freedom that God wants to give me. It's so much easier said than done. But it's funny how choosing to surrender control actually allows God to do what is best for my life; by letting go I am actually receiving

His best.

Then, calling the crowd to join his disciples, he said, “If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross, and follow me. If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake and for the sake of the Good News, you will save it."

( Mark 8:34-35)

What do you believe?

“The giant step in the walk of faith is the one we take when we decide God no longer is a part of our lives. He IS our life.”

So far in this quickly passing month of May, I’ve been learning some intensive lessons on faith. It’s something I definitely can’t get enough of, cause when I think I’ve got it, God challenges me to trust him with more and more. Thank goodness God never intends on leaving me where I’m at amidst the struggle to surrender, trust and believe. I am soo grateful for how He is shaping my unbelief and lack of faith into something beautiful.

“Why does God allow us to spend so much of life in the heat of battle? Because He never meant for us to sip His spirit like a proper cup of tea. He meant for us to hold our sweating heads over the fountain and lap up His life with unquenchable thirst.”- Beth Moore

So I've faced it, I can do nothing by my own strength, I need more faith and more of God's Holy Spirit. Its either Him or me, all or nothing, all in - all out. I love this verse in Mark when Jesus says, "Don't be afraid; Just believe." (35:26)

It's really that simple.

when I call on Jesus, all things are possible - I can mount on wings like eagles and soar

This living in Panama for a year thing,...is starting to really sink in these days. I had a great time last Saturday meeting up with people planning on joining internships with Campus for Christ across Canada and the world. It was a thrilling and exhausting day of training. But mostly thrilling. I can't believe what an adventure it is following Christ. It's the most exciting, joyful, rewarding and terrifying thing life has to offer.

And I look forward to the months ahead, working, and support raising...there are soo many things needed to get done before August. Sometimes, I catch myself questioning if this is really happening. I think, who in their right mind would trust God to raise up such a large sum of money needed for this trip? It is surreal, and I wouldn't rather be anywhere else. Because deep down, even in my times of doubt I know that God has led me to this point in my life for a greater purpose than i could ever know.

And I can trust him with anything and everything.

God is indeed, faithful.

"But blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in him.
He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes;

its leaves are always green.

It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit."

Jeremiah 17:7-8