Wherever, Whenever at Whatever the cost

some lessons learned on S.T.I.N.T.

2008-06-28T13:21:00.000-07:00

(ALL of the Stinters who lived either in Panama, East Asia or North Africa for a year, a number of them are returning for another year :)

God is able to do what he says he can do. (Lamentations 3:37 - The will of the Lord alone is always carried out.)
God’s will is perfect and he has perfect timing. I usually question if his will is the best one, and try to tell God when it’s time for him to do something. This is not smart. Ecclesiastes 3:11 - God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God’s work from beginning to end.
Stressing about situations doesn’t make them easier to get through; they often make matters worse, me busier and more irritable.
God’s will is not as mysterious as I’d like it to be. In James 1:5-6 it says that I should just ask God and not doubt the answer once he tells me.
Some days it’s the complexities of life that discourage me. I try to make peace by figuring things out. Other days it’s the complexities that bring me joy, happiness through ignorance and peace in knowing that I am some small and God is huge. Isaiah 40:28 says that no one can measure his (God’s) understanding.
No matter how confused, discouraged or annoyed I am, the Holy Spirit lives inside of me and I can act out of the supernatural love within me. I do not have to follow what my flesh desires; I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. Ephesians 4:2 – Be humble and patient with one another, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love.
Gods mercies are truly new every morning. (Lamentations 3:22) No matter how much I feel like I’ve abandoned God, he never abandons me. The quicker I realize this truth and accept his love, the quicker I get back into intimacy with him. If not, I tend to just blame God and ask Him why He’s abandoned me.
Secrecy and lies pave the way for the enemy’s work in our lives. Satan utilizes our natural tenancy to be with and influence others, so that the darkness may trickle from one person to the next. Imitation people, artificial tendencies and anything that denies truth will just eat you alive from the inside out. We are all susceptible to these lies because we’re all human.
Putting on the spiritual armor of the Lord daily is probably one of the largest pieces of advice I’d give anyone going into ministry. Belt of truth, Breastplate of righteousness, Shoes ready to preach peace, Shield of faith, Helmet of Salvation and the Sword of the Spirit. John 10:10 - The thief comes only in order to kill, steal and destroy. I have come in order that you might have life – life in all its fullness.
It’s like we all grew up in a garbage dump, eating it, playing with it and smelling it all the day long. You have a garbage way of life and that is what is normal and accepted. God sweeps in with real food, real toys and nice smelling things but we have to give up everything we’re used to. Most people in the dump have no clue how bad they smell, or any reason that they’d need to change. We all live in surroundings the reek with selfishness, depravity, lack of understanding and loneliness. Not until you hand the Lord your garbage can you really get something back in return, something you could never have dreamt up or imagined in the dump.
Loving people deeply also means hurting deeply for them, and when apart from them feeling a profound sense of loss. In the same breathe comes deep love and great pain. Amidst this, I just need to keep a thankful heart and remember the source of love that is in within me which springs forth the pain.
People can survive with very little. Living in villages without sufficient water (and suffering in the hospital because of digesting bad water) or electricity showed me that people do not thrive, but survive none the less. Job 31:24-25 states, Have I put my trust in money or felt secure because of my gold? Does my happiness depend on my wealth and all that I own? This is something I need to keep myself “in check” about. I should be happy with every blessing great or small.
God allows us to go through times of desperation and utter confusion so that we might turn to him with all we are to seek the truth and comfort found in him. Sometimes this is the only way God can get through to us. Amos 5:14 – Do what is good and run from evil – that you may live! Then the Lord God Almighty will truly be your helper, just as you have claimed He is.
Language learning is all about humility. It’s often the hardest thing because it gives a good kick to your pride. Screwing up is the best way to remember what the right way of saying things are. (i.e – deditos means fingers, not teeth.learned that the hard way!) Proverbs 12:1 – Any who loves knowledge wants to be told when they are wrong. It is stupid to hate being corrected.
The story of Elijah really paved my way through the support raising process. Elijah goes through a miraculous experience of faith and God’s power in Chapter 18 of 1 Kings. I needed that faith to believe God would provide financially over my time on stint, just the way God sent down fire to display his power to those around that altar. But later in Chapter 19, Elijah, after experiencing such power, might and clear signs of God’s presence and guidance in his life is abandoned by his people until he was the only one left in communion with God. He never gave up, just as I couldn’t give up when I felt alone on stint or discouraged. After winter, must come spring.
Most times, it is better to keep my mouth shut, than to open it. Psalm 12:18 - Thoughtless words can wound as deeply as any sword, but wisely spoken words can heal. It’s good that I’m verbal and like to express truth, but sometimes I need to be more careful. Proverbs 10:9 – Honest people are safe and secure, but the dishonest will be caught.

These are just a few thoughts I wrote down during debrief. My desire is that you would be able to relate, or be reminded of a few things. Now I'll head back into this crazy Canadian life I've now started...can't wait to see friends and family at my party tonight!! :D Much love, Tricia.

2008-06-26T13:24:00.000-07:00

Well I'm back in Canada! After a whirlwind of a week with the Canadian team in two small villages in the Interior of Panama, we finished up the time with the project of students through a week of debriefing and training. What a blast it was. Then I had about a week to pack and say goodbye. It was a hard and happy time, I turned 22 and had a birthday party with my best friend Laura. I miss her and the whole country dearly but I know that God has called me back to Canada for a purpose greater than I understand right now. Today I just left from a time of reintegration, debriefing with over 20 other men and women who experienced a S.T.I.N.T year in Panama or other areas around the world. It was necessary and refreshing, but now I'm back in the city. Ready to take on this new chapter of my life by storm. Canada, here I come!

buenas.

2008-06-16T15:50:00.000-07:00

Buenas Tardes a todos,

2 full days left!! I have alot of things to update everyone about but my internet and phone has officially been cut and I'm at an internet cafe with not a lot of time! Just wanted to say, I'm healthy, I'm happy but very emotional and I will be in Canada soon. Crazy how quickly time flies.

Much Love,
Tricia

sweet sorrow.

2008-05-30T14:32:00.000-07:00

Right now, I am sitting in my room thats a tad chaotic right now. I'm packing and if you know me at all, these things take a while for me to do. But this is not any ordinary pack, I've got three stations of items: 1)Packing for a 3 day R&R weekend with the students in "El Valle" 2)Packing for a week long "Adventure Cycle" experience where I'll be leading a team of students through the time of their life in the interior of Panama (no shampoo allowed! haha we're ruffing it) 3)Packing for a couple days of "Debrief" to do some training, relaxing etc. with the students before they go back to Canada. 4)Collecting all the things I won't be needing in these three locations or my last week to send home with a student who lives in Canada. Confused? I leave tomorrow, first to R&R, then to the interior (Cocle), Debrief and then I have a week to pack up my life here...

But you know what, all of this running around is more than worth it when I see all the amazing things that have taken place this week and actually the whole month that the Canadian students have been down assisting the stint team and starting new ventures of their own. Yesterday was the last weekly meeting on the National Campus. Today marked the last day of on Campus for my whole S.T.I.N.T. year. I went to a Concert this afternoon arranged by Panamanian campus staff at the technological university (U.T.P) and had to do nothing behind the scenes! It was amazing to sit back and enjoy. I sat there listening as a friend of mine played some of his original songs..with a gut rut of sadness in leaving this wonderful country and this amazing job I've been blessed with all year. But after the concert I witnessed changed hearts so excited about God's love for them and dedicating their lives to serve Him. It's so simple and so liberating. The same joy students get when they hear that God loves them and has a plan for their lives is the joy I have deep down when I know that leaving Panama is part of His plan for me. It's hard to explain..."sweet sorrow" as Shakespeare put it. Now back to packing...until next time!

bienvenidos, panama project.

2008-05-19T10:35:00.000-07:00

Well here they are folks, the crazy Canadian students that have given up a good chunk of their summer to see Gods hand at work on the campuses here. These 14 Students + 5 Full time Canadian Staff + 6 Stinters = a great mix of people really passionate about encouraging students to make long lasting changes in Panama. Thus far, the students were split into 3 groups and have been working on 4 different Campuses, Interamericana, 2 Universidades de Panamá (one in Santiago and one in Panama City) and the Universidad Tecnológica de Panamá. These students have already made an amazing impact in the lives of many students. Especially on small campuses like Interamericana, you bump into people time and time again that have been impacted by spiritual conversations, and decisions made to live for Christ. A quote taken from an information sheet given to Canadians students signing up for project states:

The ministry in Latin America is at a critical stage of renewal; a new generation of staff and student leaders are being raised up. This next generation has a vision to reach their country and be a catalyst to impacting all of Central and South America with the life transforming gospel of Jesus Christ.

What has been amazing for me to witness is just the amazing joy and drive these students from Canada have. Day after day, I see God's hand at work through their faithfulness to Him. It is a wonderful thing for me to see things accomplished that our STINT team just wouldn't have been able to pull of because we're only 6. There have already been 56 decisions made by students to follow Christ with their lives. I am working alongside the different teams here, discipling two amazing girls and continuing to equip students leaders to take on whatever it is God is calling them do. I feel unexplainable joy and completely fulfilled. This is only because of the amazing God that I serve. He gives me the strength and passion I need to live for him and to help others along in the amazing adventure that is following Christ. Jesus, after talking about the relationship God wants to have with us, says in John 15:11, "These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full." Today I have experienced God's words from the bible, living and active inside of me. JOY! I'm full of it! May you receive God's truth and joy today.

where the love lasts forever.

2008-05-07T12:49:00.000-07:00

I am sitting here at a Bagel Cafe (I never thought I would find bagels in Panama!) just a block away from the University. We had a staff meeting here, I took some quiet time with God and then had discipleship with a couple girls from Interamericana. All I really need is wireless internet, food and a couch to stay put in one place. I truly thank God for the areas in which I can see His Holy Spirit at work in my heart and in the student's hearts that I work with. What has been really cool these last couple of days is witnessing the Canadian Students dive right into interacting with Students on Campus and really enjoying Panama.

I do admit that the arrival of the Canadian Project students put me into a state of morning, only because their arrival meant the end of my Stint year as I've known it. But, that initial sadness has been replaced with joy because of all that Christ has done and will do through them. As we prayed on campus this morning for the day and the conversations the students would have on campus, I looked around and saw 20 passionate students and God's favor and smile as we sought God. As I sit here, I think of a lyrics to the song I listened to that brought tears to my eyes...

So I throw my life upon all You are,
‘Cause I know You gave it all for me,
And when all else fades,
My soul will dance.... with You,
Where the love lasts Forever.

family.

2008-05-01T12:18:00.000-07:00

This past month I've had the pleasure of having both my mom and my sister come visit at different times. I was privileged to take them both away for a weekend and spend some quality time catching up. These visits were an answer from my faithful God because I was beginning to desperately miss home. I loved seeing my sweet mother and Mel is still with me here but is leaving soon!! They have both been a breathe of fresh and air. So thank you for all of you faithful prayers, God has richly blessed me with their presence and He is helping me get prepared to go home in about a month and a half now. Dios ha sido bueno...

potter and the clay.

2008-04-14T15:29:00.000-07:00

Hey guys, hows life? This adventure in Panama never ceases to surprise me, so many changes, challenges, excitements and much much more...Here I sit at the Universidad Interamericana Panama (banner above!) feeling completely mixed about everything. Jess, on our team uses a great metaphor for this, and she puts it something like scrambled eggs. Everything is just jumbled up inside, the good - the bad, there's just logical form to my eggs! I mean, there are so many amazing things happening around me, students coming to Christ, discipleship/bible study groups are up and running and growing, Canadian students are coming down in a couple weeks to work on campus...I could go on and on about God's faithfulness here. Yet there are a few things that just seem to get us weak human beings, aren't there? My mental preparation to leave this beautiful country like thoughts of missing places and people have brought me to tears most nights these weeks. So, here I sit processing pains and passions, sorrow and excitement.

Though this is life, and I strangely enjoy this process. Daily I ask God to shape me, change me, use and challenge me so that I can change to be more like Him. As an artist, I really love the analogy from the Bible about God being the ultimate artist! He's the master sculptor, the one who shapes, refines and fires in the kiln...and the one who paints pictures that we see only glimpses of. In fact, sometimes we wait till the end of our lives to see the masterpiece. This morning during my prayer and devotional time with God, I admit it, I was arguing with Him. Sometimes I'd just rather have HIS mind, rather than mine. His perspective would just make things make more sense!! But look at what God showed me moments later below! I was humbled.

“What sorrow awaits those who argue with their Creator.
Does a clay pot argue with its maker?
Does the clay dispute with the one who shapes it, saying,
‘Stop, you’re doing it wrong!’
Does the pot exclaim,
‘How clumsy can you be?’
Isaiah 45:9

the morning crew.

2008-03-31T09:53:00.000-07:00

(From left to right: Laura, Andrea, (me) Gabriela and Prissy)

Most people who know me well, would be in agreement that I'm not exactly a "morning person." I have a surprisingly limited vocabulary and it takes me a while to snap out of it. I've been told I scratch my head and kind of drag myself around for a while, generally pleasant but out of it. But some great memories are created in early rises, and most of mine are spent watching the sun rise . Which always takes my breath away cause I start reflecting on how big the universe, the sun and the earth is and how really...small I am. Humbling and comforting. (Gabriela and I...very sleepy!)

One miracle of a morning I "slept" over at Laura's house and left at around 4:30 to meet some other students and friends to watch the sunrise. I will admit that there is a beautiful combination created watching the sun come up and seeking God at such an early time. A bible, guitar, some friends and a spiritual hunger to hear from God created a morning I'll never forget. I know that this morning God spoke to each of us girls in different ways. That's what is so cool about following Christ but having others to support you. I realize that God gives of us each the holy spirit to live in us, to guide and instruct us but in different ways. All of us girls are in different journeys and seasons of life. But we're all being guided by the same loving God, a Father that sits in the throne-room of heaven who sent His son to take away the penalty for our sin and continually abides in us through the amazing presence of the Holy Spirit. This is a God I would get up at the crack of dawn any day to seek and find. This is the God that directs me as I work down here in Panama, and the one I can trust every detail of my life and future to. I encourage you to watch a sunrise, think about why God gives you breath and life and light each day to walk in and ask Him for what purpose He has created you. His many answers to that will probably blow you away...

Psalm 143:8
Let me hear of your unfailing love each morning,
for I am trusting you.
Show me where to walk, for I give myself to you.

Psalm 5:3
Listen to my voice in the morning, Lord.
Each morning I bring my requests to you and wait expectantly

agents of change.

2008-03-29T07:37:00.000-07:00

Last weekend was an amazing time of teaching, learning, growing and a LOT of fun. The staff and students headed out to a camp to spend a couple days in training. How does someone actually share their faith in God? How do you then disciple someone after they've come to know God? How do you explain to someone the basics on living a "Holy Spirit" filled life? How does God want to use students to impact the world for Christ? Those are some of the topics we covered during the retreat, and as a result many students are equipped and excited about making a difference on their universities. In most cases, it's the simple things in life that make all the difference. Who knew, all it takes to share how God has changed your life is...talking with someone? Sitting down, using a tool called "The four spiritual laws" also simplifies the process. A brief version of these "laws" are that 1)God has a wonderful plan for your life but..cause we're all sinners were 2)separated from God and thats why 3)Jesus came as God to take away the penalty of sin, but we need to 4)receive him and live for him to experience freedom and purpose in our lives in relationship with God...really concise but profound. Students eyes were opened to the simplicity of living in freedom with Christ and sharing that with others.
I am thrilled to think of the changes these students with bring during their time as students, and the impact they will make as the next generations of leaders here in Panama. And my prayer is that Panama would be a country that doesn't settle for the pattern and corruption that Latin America is so used to seeing. May God be glorified through these students and this Nation. Please remember these students as you pray!

we've had joy, we'll have fun, and new seasons in the sun.

2008-03-06T12:42:00.000-08:00

(Steve, Jessica, Lindsey and I at a "white wedding")

March will be the last, “normal" month I head into the craziness that will finish off this stint year. I know, you guys are all thinking, Trish has 4 more months to go… And this is true. But in light of how quickly these past 6 have gone, and what is in store for me until I leave, time flies. I feel like I'm heading into a new season here. Family is visiting in April, a Canadian team is coming for their own "project" May until mid June and then It'll be time to say goodbyes. I rest my case. The month of February, for those who haven’t been receiving my monthly updates, went really strange but good. I contracted an amoeba after my experience in El Cope; most likely from some water had just been heated really well instead of boiled. Recovery was less than fun, but I’m always learning. And the process continues, I change and new seasons turn and turn...

(the whole team pulled together to help Sarah, Steve and I get things started at Interamericana..music, info cd's)

These past couple weeks on campus have been really encouraging as Steve and I have been sharing our faith more regularly on the private campus. The bible study we had on Tuesday was encouraging and uplifting as students came excited to be there. Panama is my home; I don’t have any sense of being foreign within me and in fact look at other “gringos” as if they’re intruding on my country. Funny, cause I don’t blend in at all but why does that matter anyways? Hehe. I love knowing where I'm going, speaking the language, hanging out with friends and their families. I love walking around on campus when I can say "Hi" to people I know, people that have been impacted by the message of Christ. I love worshiping God in Spanish and just the other Saturday I played in a Concert type thing, I was asked to sing a song and play guitar and it went really well. It was a blessing actually.

(Andrea in a traditional Panamanian dress and I, clearly not)

I've been continuing to learn alot...many things about myself...theres nothing like living in different circumstances to reveal natural tendencies. Not to mention the fact that this STINT team, could only have been selected by God himself to find such an eclectic mix. But I think we're all learning how to love each other, regardless of how painful it might be sometimes. I am excited for what God will continue to do through me and know that He who began a good work in me, will be faithful to complete it. (Philipians 1:6) Right now, I've been sitting in a unique little bagel cafe listening to tunes and sipping green tea. Tonight, we're doing a prayer walk around the campuses and later, I'll watch some friends play soccer. One day at a time I take it, each day a gift and each day a chance to be shaped and drawn closer to God. And what will this new chapter or "season" hold? This adventure of faith in following Christ is exhilarating. Until next time!

experiencia misionera: El Copé de La Graceada

2008-02-07T18:42:00.000-08:00

Last weekend was “Carnivales” here in Panama and most people, if they’re not participating in the drunken festivities spend their days outside the city. A bunch of people and I went to a small village called “El Cope”(similar to “Bajo Grande”) The idea behind this type of trip is to open the eyes of students who’ve never lived and worked with people in “poverty” so to speak, and encourage them to make a long-lasting difference. We go into a community, and meet both spiritual and physical needs. The idea is not to become a “Santa Clause” to a village and leave. Long-term development, education, and ideally churches make up part of the overall vision.

The large team was divided into small groups that helped out families in their homes during the day. At night we spent time with the people and held services. There were personal testimonies, funny dramas, serious ones too and then finally a showing of the Jesus Film. For most, this was the first time they’d watched a video. The people loved us, the asked questions, they longed to learn more…what’s amazing is how little we had to do and how much God did through us. His love for the people of El Cope seeped through us, and still tugs at the deepest part of me.

Here’s an excerpt of my personal reflections written journaling:

“…The people of this community have touched my heart completely. Kids without sufficient education, children having sex and bearing babies, men given their lives to alcoholism and abusive behaviors, no running water or electricity, medical care or even an Asprin pill…I can’t stand to see this and let it be. I can’t stop thinking about the family I’ve helped for the past couple days, the mother that works at her small shop and takes care of her children while the husband is out rounding up cattle. Jesus, Kenya, Yoradis will only have a little education by the time they reach 6th grade…after that they’re done. I’ll never forget Yoradis and the excitement she had receiving my pink highlighter. Only to find her, the next day completely covered with pink, smiling in utter contentment. Kenya, quick with so many things, a young woman really, helping her mom harvest Guandu and keep the house. Endless games of “Guerra” (war) and goofing around as she corrected my Spanish are things that will forever stick with me. These children…I’m burdened to help them, see them grow into strong and healthy men and women who will change the pattern of this community. God, what do you want from me?..”

We’re planning on heading back out to the village in the middle of March. This time with bibles, classes on the basics of Christianity, Baseball equipment, Education materials for the children and whatever else God puts on our hearts. I can’t wait. So please, be grateful. Be thankful for all that you have. Don’t take the fact that you can understand what I’m writing for granted. The chair you sit in, the computer you’re using to read this. Ask God how He wants to use you, and then make a difference that will last your lifetime.

“To whom much is given, much is required.” Luke 12:48

officially funded.

2008-01-29T17:33:00.000-08:00

Amazing news!! Through much prayer, guidance and financial support from my friends and family…I am excited to say that I’m FULLY FUNDED. The costs needed to support my living and ministry expenses have finally been raised. Tonight through the faithful support of amazing family in Christ, I was blown away to recieve an email that said, “Consider yourself fully funded.” Whoohoo! For some reason, trusting God with finances has been the hardest thing yet. What really astounds me, is God’s continual faithfulness and my inherent faithlessness. No area of my life that seems hard to surrender to God, challenges or weakens Him. I have this quote written in my Bible and I love it,
“In the perplexities – when we cannot tell what to do, when we cannot understand what is going on around us – let us be calmed and steadied and made patient by the thought that what is hidden from us is not hidden from God.”

There is no safer place to be, than in hands that have the ability to accomplish anything. Its true that I felt like a nut-case telling others last year that I knew God called me to Panama and that He would provide the funds for me to go. Now here I am and here I will stay. I feel like bursting out in song singing, "Great is thy faithfulness."

Thank you from the bottom of my heart to all of my faithful warriors in prayer, and generous givers of the finances God has entrusted to them. I have loved from the bottom of my heart, being the hands and feet that make this ministry work. I am being shaped by through the opportunities here in Panama. Students are being changed, with their minds opened to hear what this life is all about. Most importantly, our God is being glorified. He deserves all the honor and praise forever and ever. “Dios ha sido bueno.” (God has been good.)

a vision of timeless existence.

2008-01-24T14:07:00.000-08:00

There are things in the world that die. Like the plants I abandoned on my vacation (though I’m trying to resurrect them!) or “Mickey” my childhood pet. Parents split up and children move out. Everyday I grow older (5 months till my 22nd b-day) and thus near closer to death! Catch my drift? Change is a given. And this has been on my heart for the last couple of weeks.

While on vacation in seemingly paradise, I received a call from my sister and mom from Canada. I was in Bocas Del Toro wishing I was in Canada. Then entering on the highway going home, things felt odd. The new “family” Laura and I acquired during our stay and amazing moments flashed through my mind. I was driving into Panama wishing I was still in Bocas. Now I sit here in my apartment, knowing that in a few short months I’ll be in Canada wishing I was back in Panama. Change can be really difficult. Difficulties are inevitable.

This world is full of stuff that I just don’t like: heartbreaks, funerals, airport goodbyes, insecurities and unknowns. Yesterday after I sat down exhausted from work (next week is frosh week on campus!) and all I longed to do was seek God. I felt sadness in my heart about the future and a deep burden for Laura and some fears/spiritual darkness she’d been experiencing. So last night, Laura and I went to Casa de Oración (my church) ready to hear from God. During the service Laura and I started praying simultaneously for each other, praying through pains foreseen in saying goodbye again in 5 months (early, I know) and all that was on our hearts. Though amidst my worried prayers, God silenced me with a breath of heaven.

I saw a girl…full of joy and freedom…playing in a green field-like area. It looked like bliss, pure delight, everything radiated…it was beautiful. Tears flooded as the picture zoomed out, exposing a path through the beauty that surrounded ME! God showed me just a glimpse of how He sees things. My body is physically home on this earth but my spirit lives in that place with God, eternally. And as the vision expanded, so my tears continued to burst, revealing Laura by my side in that place with God. And as we continued on the path, so we grew and the journey still continues. This whole Blog entry might be a little heavy for some of you, but this moment yesterday really has made a mark on my life. How come? Well, first of all…I’d never had such a vivid vision from God, and second my viewpoint has expanded GI-normously! In Laura’s words, this life is a “road-trip.” I’m wearing eternal glasses now, cause everything in this world isn’t really it. Things change. I’m not physically where my spirit lives, cause that place is eternal. And my God is unchanging.

“My life is no longer than the width of my hand. An entire lifetime is just a moment to you; human existence is but a breath. We are merely moving shadows, and all our busy rushing ends in nothing.” Psalm 39:5-6

vacation: bocas del toro.

2008-01-15T14:27:00.000-08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR, 2008!

I trust you guys had a wonderful Christmas and New Years, wherever you find yourself reading this blog. What an amazing time to restart/recharge your “Batteries” so to speak. I find myself full of ideas and thoughts about what this year will bring. I am refreshed and renewed after spending 2 weeks on vacation with my best friend Laura. We headed out New Years Day on a 10 hr. bus ride through the night. God blessed us with an awesome time, learned ALOT about myself and all sorts of people and animals! Here are some pics of the highlights!

Something I really miss about living in Panama City, and from summers at home is biking. With so much traffic on the roads and very little space for a sidewalk, its just not ideal here. But in Bocas we rented bikes right away, and it felt great to have that freedom to explore the Island.

One of the first days we took a boat tour to 3 different areas of the pearl islands… Two boys greeted us as we arrived on the famous “Red Frog Beach”, both holding their local treasure. There were really large waves, so Laura and I spent most of our time out of the water. Our guide warned us about the strong current and still someone was swept away quickly (leaving the whole beach in panic) but then rescued, thank God.

It is hard to say what was my “favorite” part of the trip. But...I LOVE SURFING. So much, I’m going to start researching how to keep on practicing in Canada…Great Lakes anyone? Two reasons: 1. Riding a wave is unbelievable fun and exhilaration. 2. It works every muscle in your body (including the ones you don’t know about).

What really struck me through my time spent there was the intricacy of God’s creation, a world that I hadn’t really experienced before, underwater. With Corals of all shapes and sizes, fish of all colors and vibrancies…what a wonderful maker.

Bocas is full of tourists, and we met people from all over the world. Including these guys from Louisiana (where Laura lived for a year) and went on a hike to this cave called “La Gruta”. I felt like I was in an India Jones movie, trekking in the dark through cold cave water, knowing the place was filled with bats by the thousands…very cool experience.

One of our last days there, we hiked to "Playa Estrella" where Starfish just flooded the shore. This was my first time holding one, and I will never forget it. Such treasures.

Here is our first upclose sighting of dolphins, my first experience with dolphins in the wild. I fell in love...they are such joyful, beautiful, peaceful animals. ENJOY!!

"The heavens are yours, and the earth is yours; everything in the world is yours—you created it all." Psalm 89:11

goodbye december.

2007-12-30T21:43:00.000-08:00

"I wasn't dreaming of a Christmas in Panama.

Not like the ones I used to know."

Christmas turned out great. Below is a picture of the Stint Team (minus Sarah who was heavily involved in a Christmas Cantata at her Church) at the V.E Christmas Party.

My sincere apology to those who have checked my blog looking for updates, and have been disappointed. This month seemed to fly by quicker than all of the rest and I still feel like I can’t catch up on it. We finished up the school year with a bang, Christmas parties, final goodbyes to graduates and planning for the New Year. I look back in awe of all that God has done and will continue to do on the campuses here and most importantly in the each moment of the lives of the students.

This month marked a very profound step in this journey away from home. I hit rock bottom the week before Christmas, emotionally giving up I should say…wanting the comforts of home and the presence of people I miss and love so much. Needless to say this was a crucial 4th month realization that I wouldn’t be returning home for the holiday and will continue to live here in Panama for many months to come. In saying that, I had an amazing time here with my friends here in Panama and my new “Stint Family”. Turkey was eaten, karaoke sung, egg-nog like substances enjoyed and Secret Santa’s investigated! Christmas here, without the romanticized chestnuts roasting, and jack frost nipping was stripped away from what I’ve grown to know…exposing that which I knew to be true. That Christmas was and is about Jesus…humbling himself to come to this World He created so that we could have a personal relationship with Him. Emanuel, God with us…do you believe it to be true? I was smacked in the face with that reality this Christmas…God…on earth? Smelling, breathing, laughing, coughing…Jesus for real? He was the ultimate sacrifice, representation of what we know to be selfless love, a reflection of God’s supreme power and strength. What a gift. What a liberating thing. What a Holy night that must have been. And Jesus re-lived that this year with me.

For those of you who are getting my monthly updates, tomorrow I will send a complete perspective on the month of December as it will be the last day…2008 still sounds very strange. But I am anticipating great things for the New Year, I know that the Lord is going before me and I am ready to fulfill that which He has laid out for me to do.

goodbye november.

2007-11-30T10:13:00.000-08:00

Well here it is, an updated picture of the team. This was taken last weekend on and Island called, "Isla Grande"...Brent and Celeste Trickett came down from Canada to check up on us Stinters. What a great time it was to learn from them (Brent is in charge of the partnership between the campus ministry in Panama), be challenged by them, and work out some of the team dynamics and disfunctions we seemed to pin-point. It was really encouraging and alot of fun to have them down here. Not to mention, they came bearing gifts...a guitar case for me, some strings, a capo, a tuner...and a jam-packed shoe box full of goodies from home. I was a wreck opening everything up from Mom: my favorite christmas cookies, cards and notes from my family and friends, so many thoughtful things that just made me feel so loved. My "missing home" took on a whole new level that night. It's strange a journey really, but I know I will be back sooner than it seems. It's already the last day of November and how strange that is to me. It's HOT out, yet with november in my mind...and july all around me(if that makes sense!). Hearing Christmas jingles tropical style on the radio is fun though and I'm loving this new experience. Brent and Celeste also brought the team Christmas goodies, I have a stocking!!

Today, I'm heading out to a Proffesor luncheon. This is held once a semester for Prof's that let members from Campus for Christ (Vida Estudiantil) speak in their classrooms. They are behind the scenes giving the organization more and more freedom and favor from authorities. God is softening many hearts and we are just so grateful for the Prof's that are all so welcoming.

To end here are some random factoids:

Toast here in Panama doesn't actually toast, it just browns cause it's so humid.
I have watched more movies here than ever in my life, there's not a WHOLE lot to do at night after a long day...movies are a mere $2.50! And I actually understand them when they're voiced over (which is REALLY humerous)...this is progress!
I can actually have meaningful conversations in Spanish.
Most cab drivers actually point out that I look like I'm from Holland, I find this impressive.

cada estudiante en cada universidad.

2007-11-13T16:37:00.000-08:00

Team Interamericana

¿Who doesn't want to win an MP3 player?

Myself, and two girls who are going to be history makers at Interamerica: Laura and Jenny
Today we had our first table set up in the lobby of Interamericana. Wow, it was such a great experience!! I absolutely love this University...the students are different than at Universidad de Panama and there are alot less of them. We set up a table at the entrance, played tunes, gave out candy and took a draw for an MP3 player. The catch was, the "ballots" were spiritual interest questionnaires...amazing results. We have around 130 people who are interested in learning about how to have a relationship with God, and/or want to be part of a Bible study..!!Can you believe it? What an amazing confirmation about the need for us at Interamericana.

Thursday we have a talk arranged with 25 yr. old Carissa Reiniger, president of Silver Lining Ltd. who's the youngest Canadian to net over a million last year. "¿Quien quiere ser millionario?" will be the tag line for this conferencia.

This will continue to be a fun filled busy week! Until next time!

He is always talking.

2007-11-11T09:33:00.000-08:00

Something I’ve learned about myself through these months in Panama, or should I say…something that has been confirmed about myself is that I don’t like to stop. Stopping in front of crazy Panamanian cars and their noxious waste is a different story. Or stopping to comfort a friend who’s had a rough day, I don’t mind at all.

Last night I was feeling especially homesick and I realize these things only set in when you have the time to stop and think. Taking the time to pray or read the word of God is something I all too often do, just to get on with my day. It sounds a lot like, “Alright God, these are the things on my mind…this is what I have planned today. Please bless it, give me whatever I need to do it…and yeah, thanks for being so great to me. Amen.” Ouch. I mean, God knows what I’ve planned and what will happen. He doesn’t need a breakdown of my schedule or anything for that matter. The whole deal with prayer is that it’s a conversation. Not just a one sided rant. And if it were one sided, I should be the one listening. I mean, If God IS GOD than He should be the one doing most of the talking seeing as He already knows everything and I’m the one that needs help.

Today I have been forced to stay at home to be still. Yesterday I organized some team fun at the ice skating rink and managed to twist my knee playing a little “follow the leader” (me being the leader). I’ve been hobbling around making soup, tea, doing laundry etc. and I was really close to going to church but nope. The pain killed my plans and forced me to rest. This is becoming more than a familiar lesson from God…Slow down. Be still. Listen to my voice. Chill out. It’s not something I like doing hence the repetition from God.

He definitely made His point clear when I sat down just a few moments before 11 to realize today is Remembrance Day in Canada. If we don’t take the time to remember those who fought for our freedom, we miss out on appreciating our lives and this world. If I don’t take the time to remember where I’ve come from, how God has carried me etc., I miss out as well. And how do I remember if I don’t take the time to rest, reflect, remember…rejuvenate.

Last week, Bajo Grande was a whirlwind of action on which I functioned with around 6 hrs of sleep in total. And this week will be full of outreaches and action at Interamericana. But what is the use of doing things for God when you can’t say you’ve listened to Him lately. He’s always trying to get a word in edgewise with me, How about you? Do you talk to God like He works at some fast food prayer joint? Do you think it’d be silly to listen to God’s voice at all? Give it a try. A good start is looking at what He’s already said in the Bible. Listening to God doesn’t always fit our schedules, or fit our measure of faith, but how can we know if we never stop to try. He is always talking.

Juan 10:27-28
Mis ovejas oyen mi voz; yo las conozco y ellas me siguen. Yo les doy vida eterna, y nunca perecerán, ni nadie podrá arrebatármelas de la mano.

Let me know if you’d like to get my monthly updates with more details about my ministry here. Leave a comment here, or at tricia_jagt@hotmail.com

me encanta.

2007-11-01T00:38:00.000-07:00

~ Laura and I ~

Wow! Is it really November? I think the heat here in Panama makes it hard to believe that it really is no longer “summer” and that the winter months are ahead of those at home. The past week we’ve seen a lot of rain here, but that is usually accompanied by much humidity, so there are none of those cozy “grab a sweater” rainy days. Anyways, enough about weather…

These have been some exciting weeks for me. I feel like I’m being used by God so much, and in that process learning so much. So many things add to the feeling of my spiritual “body” undergoing a serious growing spurt…Many things have gone on the past couple weeks. Sarah is back from Halifax safe and sound :) Necessary papers were retrieved, and many other fun gifts from the homeland! Jon and Lindsey went to Nicaragua to do some future planning for Campus for Christ. They had a chance to talk with leaders all over Latin America. Some issues came up within the team that made for some rough times; communication skills are so vital. Please pray for unity and love.

And something I’ve been so overjoyed about is my new involvement full time at this Private University called, “Interamericana”. Two weeks ago Laura (Panamanian & Best friend) and I put together a video about the realities of this world, things we all too often forget. We went from classroom to classroom showing this short video and talking about our presence as “Vida Estudiantil” on campus. It was a great way to get students thinking outside of their egocentrical box to really consider the impact they could have on this world. We also advertised an outreach that was put on this past Tuesday, “What happens after SEX?” People came and packed the room we booked for the event. God is so faithful. There’s always a risk with these things…will anyone really show? Of course they will! And they sure did.

Tomorrow we head out to "Bajo Grande" which is this remote village in Cocle...no running water a.k.a no showering, no grocery stores, no NADA! And the adventure continues...

vida estudiantil.

2007-10-11T20:31:00.000-07:00

Information table set up in "Derecho" (Law Faculty)

Anna and I!! She's so sweet...

Outreach we did in Biology with tons of food...great response!

Protest from last week, we left campus early that day..

My dear friends and family and others who read my updates!! God is doing amazing things here on the National Campus, so much that I think if I forget to update this blog I might forget all that He has has done. Bible studies have been set up, many people in the beginning stages of their relationship with God…its amazing. Seeing people really start living lives found in the freedom that Christ gives, makes me have this crazy amount of joy that’s unexplainable.

This past Monday, I was so happy just to talk with these 4 girls. I had the chance to speak about integrity in their class (the professors here are so welcoming) and then we met up to talk about faith. I love giving students a chance to talk about their beliefs without pressure, in a comfortable environment. Everyone thinks about it, even if they try to avoid it…why are we here? What’s this life all about? My friend Anna and I had the chance to pray with 3 girls. It was Anna’s first time sharing her faith so it was exciting! They really wanted to start living their lives with Christ, and we’re meeting up next week to hang out.

Today we had around 40 people at the weekly meeting and the numbers just keep on growing. What God is doing here on the campus is something so amazing, revolutionary, wonderful. I had a chance to speak about the obstacles I’ve faced and how God has overcome them all. Looking back on how God has orchestrated my life is just mind boggling, I’ve support raised for 5 different mission trips…never seeming to have much faith that God would provide the funds and he always does. I’ve been through family troubles, and sicknesses and feeling like, “Who am I that God wants to send me anywhere?” THROUGH IT ALL…I’ve realized that living for God isn’t about me in the least, not about what I understand, or how much faith I feel I have…it’s about being willing to die to yourself and live for Christ. Cause when I’m out of the picture, things work out…God’s will can be accomplished without the sin in my life that always gets in the way. Anyways, thought I’d just spill a little and show some pictures of what’s been going on.

Oh and as far as my Spanish goes, it’s getting better. I feel like I’m at a bit of a lull because I haven’t been studying much…but I understand more and more each day. I’d love to just snap my fingers and speak fluently but I know God’s doing a good work in me as this process continues. I love Spanish. I'm meeting up with about 8 girls tomorrow to talk about their faith, etc. without a transator. I think I can handle it :) Hasta Luego

panama = fresh fruit and great fish.

2007-09-26T09:59:00.000-07:00

The fish below is Sea Bass in English. This stuff is amazing, and makes a wonderful snack, especially prepared like "Ceviche" on crackers. Grab some fish from your local market and enjoy it with me! Click the link below, seems super easy, super tasty!http://www.cdkitchen.com/recipes/recs/238/Panamanian_Ceviche11581.shtml
I could have spent hours at this market just looking at everything and talking with the vendors. Luckily our trip to "El Mercado de Mariscos" last Sat. didn't smell thanks to my stuffed nose!

Close to the fish market is this fruit/vegetable market, with many street vendors and other shops in between. We concluded that a trip to the market to stock up on this fresh stuff is more economical and fun! The grocery stores by the appartment buy from these vendors, why shouldn't we :) Thought these pics might be a fun window into Panama life.

officially migrated.

2007-09-19T16:04:00.000-07:00

(This is my "official" identification here in Panama, our visas got extended yesterday and this gives us 30 more days to get on the paperwork for our missionary visas. I feel like I belong!!)

Interesting Panama Factoids:

Population: 3,232,000
Capital: Panama City; 813,097 (2005 estimate)
Area: 75,517 square kilometers (29,157 square miles)
Panama means: "abundance of fish and butterflies" in one of the country’s s indigenous languages.
Average Life Expectancy: 74 yrs.
Average Literacy: 93%.

Nunez de Balboa, a Spanish explorer, was the first European to see the Pacific Ocean from Panama (1513) Balboa is a word used for dollar, but most people just say “un dollar.” I thought my friend Laura was joking when she told me how to say quarter in English because it sounds like “quwada”…so similar! U.S currency is used interchangeably and the US Mint makes Panama’s coins.
Panama Hats come from Ecuador not Panama. Sorry bro...I'll do my best to find you one!
In most stores, there’s a sales clerk that follows you around. I was confused at first cause I thought they might be suspicious of me for shoplifting? But that’s just their job to follow you…its kind of annoying but I’m getting used to it!
Almost everyone that I introduce myself to calls me Patty after they hear me say Patricia. Sometimes I say, "Solo(only) Tricia" or "Patricia sin(without) Pat"..ahah...they either laugh at me or continue to call me Patty. This has GOT to be stopped!! :)
There has been general hostility between Panamanians and Columbians since Panama gained independence in 1903. The same year, the U.S bought the rights to build the Panama Canal and gained sovereignty of the Canal Zone and land either side of the it.
But in 1977 General Torrijos negotiated a Treaty that led to the handover of the Canal, to Panama, at the end of 1999. That same year, Mireya Moscoso became the first female president of Panama. In general, women here seem to be mostly educated, strong and successful at what they do.
The Netherlands, and the whole of Netherlands Antilles are major trading partners with Panama. GO DUTCH!! (I was pleased to see an abundance of “Maggi” products…made in Panama nevertheless but the Dutch name remains)
There are seven indigenous people groups in Panama: Embera, Wounaan, Guaymi, Bugle, Kuna, Naso and Bribi. Walking around the city, I spot mostly Kuna women because of their distinct colourful clothes. The men and women are all extrodinarily short!
The city is always really noisy, from my appartment there is a consistent layer of sound that I now find comforting. Drivers love to honk their horns for little or no reason, and there is no “saftey check” needed to drive a vehicle...mmm…large clouds of exhaust fumes.
On campus, it costs roughly un dollar for lunch, give or take a few cents...rice, plantains, beans and some sort of meat. A popular dish here is called, "Mondongo" which is the cleaned intestines and stomach of a cow...I've tried it but I think I'll pass from now on! :S
The climate is hot, humid, and cloudy with a prolonged rainy season from May to January, short dry season from January to May. School is out for holidays around December for the summer. What a strange Christmas it will be, a hot one seems quite appealing though..
I have joined a bible study/cell group that meets every thursday night...I'm really excited about this opportunity to lead some worship there aswell as help out in any other way needed. I meet with people from the church I attend called, "Casa De Oración" and I'm pumped!

Anyways hope this has been informative and entertaining. I thank God every morning for this amazing opportunity to be on campus full time, talking with students, ministering to the needs, planning classroom talks and informing students about the community on campus...tommorow I'm leading worship at the weekly meeting. Such fun! Your prayers and support are still so encouraging, thanks for walking alongside me as this adventure in changing the campus continues...May God continue to be glorified as I am humbled by His sovereignty.

¡Que viva Panamá!

straight from El Dorado.

2007-09-06T18:26:00.000-07:00

(the view from "Cerro Azul" was breathtaking, we stayed here for a retreat last weekend with about 25 panamanians and our canadain team for training/fun times!)

(hugging a massive tree at a nearby national park)

(looking out from the park, the wildlife at this rainforest consisted of gigantic spiders?!?)

As you can see, I am in heaven with the scenery here. Granted, Panama City is everything but green, it doesnt take too long to find the surrounding beauty. These pictures are backtracking a bit, cause Im sitting on the 9th floor in my appartment that overlooks the busy poluted city. But I'm so happy that this day has finally come. I feel incredibly blessed to be out of that limbo state I was in last blog. Despite the fact that we’re still working on how to keep our visas, or get them as official missionaries…I have a home, a phone…the Internet…a bed, a teapot. What more do I need? Last night I killed two cockroaches and they’re smart little buggers. Fun times!!

Today we were on campus from 9 till around 4 and it was amazing. I love Thursdays here because we meet at an outdoor amphitheater called TUAL…not sure why yet. But, its always really amazing to see how numbers grow each week, with so many students hungry for more of God. Its unexplainable joy really, worshiping in Spanish with many students surrounding…unexplainable, cause I know it’s the Joy of the Lord. These things just don’t occur naturally feeling all hot and sweaty/hungry and thirsty! I’m so glad we’re finally on campus. Learning Spanish is humbling but so much fun. It’s starting to sink in that this Panama stuff is pretty permanent now and I won’t have to leave for a while. Heaven!

Habakkuk 1: 5

The Lord Replied, "Look at the nations and be amazed! Watch and be astonished at what I will do! For I am doing something in your own day, something you wouldn't belive even if someone told you about it."

i love panama.

2007-08-28T10:49:00.000-07:00

Hey guys, I'm gonna have to make this one real short and sweet. I'm stitting here at an internet cafe (im pumped cause they actually sell salads and understand my spanish) trying to catch up on emails etc. (sorry to those i havent responded, i figured a quick blog update would suffice for now) finding time for the internet has been harder than i thought it would be! so lets see..

- we finally have found 2 appartments and us four girls are hopefully moving in tommorow! It's probably a 10 minute walk to the guy's appartment, it's ideal...beautiful, i feel very blessed.

- our visas are still up in the air, and we might have to sign up for classes with an english school or something in order to stay as students etc.

- i'm realizing how much I'm total bait here in Panama, and am learning how to tune out whistling, nasty panamanian men

- i havent gotten sick yet, feel great physically - other than the fact that this city is really polluted. My lungs hurt last week when we were doing a prayer walk around the campus, at 5:30 in the morning...there was like a burning sensation...any ideas? other than a gas mask.

- for those who are curious as to my mailing adress (mom :) the mailing system is really sketch here so i'm not even sure we have one...hehe.?/ all in good time.

- amidst all that is "up in the air" i really feel at home here and God has given me and amazing peace and just unexplainable joy about this city, this country...my teamates, panamanians whom i love and adore, and i just CAN'T WAIT to get on campus.

This feels like heaven.

I hope to get some more time on the internet soon, but we're all very much in limbo until we get settled into our appartments and onto campus....pray for kind administrative ppl and God's continued favor. Much MUCH love, Tricia

Canada meets Panama.

2007-08-20T21:00:00.000-07:00

Hello friends and family!! I made it! Wooohoo God is so faithful. I’m sitting here in an Internet place right next to the hotel I’m staying at and it’s surreal. Let me just say that this whole training week was amazing and INTENSE. It was awesome to finally be united as stint teams in Guelph, allowing this trip to really sink in a whole lot more. We had amazing times of teaching and preparations, with language learning, prayer, biblical foundations etc.

Last week the craziest thing happened though, I was hit with the news last week Wednesday that I wouldn’t be able to go to Panama because of the financial status I was at in support raising. It was like a ton of bricks hit me, crushing my body/spirit and everything else. I decided that God was just doing this to show His power and glory through my life. We had the tickets, we had the willing person (me) but I had to “o.k” from head office cause I didn’t have the funds.

So our team united, we prayed, we fasted…we worshiped God and told Him to show us His power and guess what He did? Well in a matter of hours, like 2-3 (I was such a whirlwind) the rest of the funds came in. And let me tell you, I needed 8,000 more to come here and it was pledged and more; from the most unlikely sources. Are you guys getting the idea here? God is faithful. He calls us to do stuff, and nothing will get in the way of his purposes here on earth. He IS powerful, He DOES keep his promises and He is at work in every detail of our lives.

Wow. So it’s just been so surreal being here in Panama. Reuniting with amazing friends, looking for apartments to live in, praying and worshipping in Spanish. I can’t even describe to you how amazing it feels. Amazing. Wonderful. Beautiful. I woke up this morning dreaming in spanish.

i want to hold the hand that holds the world.

2007-08-09T09:51:00.000-07:00

Alright...so I do believe this is my final and last “blog of the week” from home, seeing as I leave to Guelph for training this coming Monday. LAST WEEK AT HOME! How beautiful, exciting, tragic, nauseating...everything and more. Preparations to leave with visas, emails, banking stuff etc. have come into place and I am still trusting God with the finances for the trip. I know I’m going, and everything will fall into place in His timing despite all of my impatient prayers.

God’s sovereignty has been more apparent to me this week. Like do you ever wonder if God REALLY cares, if He’s really “got the whole world in his hands” (sing it with me! aha) If you’re at all like me, you question your faith from time to time. But this is what I was smacked in the face with this week…HE DOES! He listens, He knows, He calls people to do his work here on earth and His plans and purposes are perfect despite the way we look at things. Everything that is at all good in this world, He IS.

Last week, My beloved sister Mel and I were talking about what to do on the long weekend. Wanting to do something together of course (cue the violins) We decided that we would go to London to visit friends, for the cuban night at their church and check out this “Fresh Fire” Conference. Mel said, “I know that God wants you to be there, God has something in store for you.” Apparently he did.

Fast forward to the end of the weekend. I have never witnessed so many people getting healed from sicknesses; this woman right behind me said she even heard her bones crack as they were put back into place. It was nuts. That alone reminded me that God wants to move through our prayers of faith. But I was getting pretty tired after less than 3 hrs. of sleep the night before, I gave Mel the “lets go soon” eye but Todd said he had one last word. Just imagine me in a sea of hundreds of people. Sitting there, feeling tired, thinking about how powerful God is…

Before the service, God gave him a vision of this girl in the audience named Patricia. Who, What? Who calls me Patricia anyways. Wait..."a girl under the age of 25, with long blonde hair" shoot, God had me cornered. Remember that you didn’t have to sign up for this conference or anything, I had never even been to London before…EVER. So I went up to the front where Todd was speaking and He smiled cause it looked like me. He told me that Panama is exactly where I’m supposed to be. That there was a banner over my head that said “All Nations” (Panama is the intersection of the nations) That I’m full of virtue and have the brightness of God’s favor on my life. He told me that there’s power in my cheerful disposition. God was speaking right through him, about the mission of compassion and mercy…including children in the slums…

He prayed over me, and commissioned me to go. Let's do this!

Isaiah 14:24 – The Lord Almighty has sworn, “As I have planned, so shall it be, and as I have purposed, so shall it stand.”

through it all.

2007-08-02T17:01:00.000-07:00

You are forever in my life, You see me through the seasons
Cover me with Your hand, And lead me in Your righteousness

And I look to You, And I wait on You

I will sing to You, Lord a hymn of love

For Your faithfulness to me

Im carried in everlasting arms

Youll never let me go

Through it all

Hallelujah, hallelujah

Wondering why I've pasted these lyrics here? Well this song is one of my favorites, the cry of my heart to God at this crazy time. I've got two weeks left at home. There are visas to apply for, forms and more forms, not to mention that I'm not at all fully funded for this mission next year. But the plane ticket has been booked in faith. Plus I'm cancelling my health plan in canada for a year......praying for me is more like breathing now. I know that God is able to do more than my mind can even comprehend. He will provide. He will be faithful. He's not gonna leave me stranded, it's His reputation on the line afterall. I will not give into my fears and will cling to faith. Even saying goodbyes are now acts of faith, faith that I won't see the girls I said goodbye to last night (picture above) faith faith faith...what a strange adventure.

contentment.

2007-07-21T21:31:00.000-07:00

These past 10 days have been amazing. Truly amazing, the more I let go of control over my life the better things get. I could be going crazy right now thinking about the fact that I have three weeks left to raise a lot more support, and say goodbyes but I’m just not going to.

What I will continue to do is rest in the thought that God is sovereign, He loves me and in HIS timing He makes all things beautiful. Tomorrow morning I will be speaking along with Jon (stint team) and Alejandro (just got back from Panama) and I’m thrilled about this opportunity. Step-by-Step, God is guiding me to Panama and slowly I’m becoming more and more the woman He wants me to be.

Here are a few things that have become more and more apparent to me lately:
- I don’t often appreciate my family and friends as much as I should.
- Canada is a richly blessed nation, this I should be more grateful of as well.
- God uses our obstacles to help us overcome them and then display HIS power.
- There is an unending and relentless cycle of people through the ages trying to find contentment in the same old lame things…relationships (sex), escape (drugs, booze), money (possessions)…they never truly satisfy and we all know it.

Why is it so hard to find real life? Why do we try to hard to do it on our own when God just longs for us to surrender to His love and wisdom, purpose, plans…I wonder…
I should probably cut back on my rambling. Thanks to those who actually read these and enjoy them!! I promise to always update on what God is doing, what I’m doing…and what I’m learning most of all. Isn’t that what it’s all about? Until next time!

Philipians 4:4-7
Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

you've got to pull the ripcord.

2007-07-11T17:23:00.000-07:00

These weeks are packed with preparations and forms and phone calls and business. All that I think and breathe and live is Panama. Getting there, praying for it, stressing about it, feeling utter joy and peace about it…the most interesting roller coaster I’ve ever experienced and the most beautiful. I thank God for calling me to be his hands and feet in Panama. And I thank Him for times like these, when all I have are his promises and I hold fast to them. This is faith, real faith.

Last week I had the privilege of going to wonderland with two great friends. I was struck with how differently everyone reacts to roller coasters/thrill rides. I absolutely love them. I love knowing that I’m safe and don’t have to worry that I’ll get hurt. But it was fun coaxing my friend Laura to do things she didn’t want to do. I couldn’t help but feel these roller coasters were spiritual experiences. Especially when twilight came and we were hoisted up in the air to make a 170 ft. free fall. You’ve got to pull the ripcord…3, 2, 1, FLY they say. It’s scary plunging so low with only a six feet distance between you and the cement BUT the bungee catches you and you feel weightless…free flying knowing you are secure.

If you don’t pull the ripcord, you can’t fly. Surrendering sucks at times. Generally it’s painful, though letting go to feel weightless in the arms of God is all I ever want to do. I have four weeks left to support raise the rest of the money I need to go. That’s like 28 days. Possible? I think so.

late night pondering.

2007-07-05T23:14:00.000-07:00

I love listening to the rain. And I like reflecting on my days. This week's been full of learning, crying, laughing...and I'm struck again that this is the best way to live. To feel and live things deeply, with all that I am, the beauty amidst uncertainty, the adventure amidst angst. Since last weekend I've had this song stuck in my head on and off by Fleetwood Mac and the lyrics have really stuck with me.

Well I've been afraid of changing, cause I built my life around you

Time makes you bolder, children get older and I'm getting older too..

Can the child within myself, rise above?

Can I sail through the changing, oceans tide?

Can I handle the seasons of my life?

These words stuck in my head for a number of reasons, partially because my brother taught me how to play it on guitar but more because these lyrics are true to where I'm at. I'm afraid of change cause I've built my life around God, and my doubtful mind gets the best of me, at the worst of times. But I'm standing on sturdy ground, and God never fails to reassure me of His love. I guess I'm just getting sick myself.? I can't take ANY credit for what God has done and will do in my life. He longs to live more and more powerfully through us. Will we let him?

Matt. 7:25
The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house;
yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock.

my God saves.

2007-06-27T11:01:00.000-07:00

There are a lot of things I don’t know. I’m just learning how to put sentences together in Spanish. I can’t tell you what it’s like to give birth or pay off a mortgage. I don’t know what turning 30 is like, or how a funeral of a close friend would wreck me. Even sooner, I don’t know what tomorrow will hold or what this day may bring. There are a lot of things I don’t have a clue about. That’s one thing I know for certain.

This is the point, we don’t know much. I don’t know how I’m getting to Panama. God does, I don’t. And as uncomfortable as this makes me, even to write…to put all trust in Him, whew…HE CAN HANDLE IT! This is where God wants to be. And it’s been a rocky road to get to this point of surrender again. This past Monday I learned that I really only have one more month to get all the finances in order for next year and only 7 weeks left at home. I. Freaked. Out. It was all up to me as I was sitting there perplexed and nauseous, I just couldn’t handle it. I thought I’d failed already, that I just wasn’t doing a good job for my Lord that I’d messed up or will mess up and thoughts compiled into one large heap of garbage.

Sleep does wonders. And God does too…after a day of work mayhem I went to a prayer and worship time at this random church in Brantford with Robyn. I recognized the Pastor, and I’ve never felt so at home with a bunch of strangers, all after the same thing…more of God and less of ourselves. I sought after God’s protection and peace and about an hour into the service some stranger pulled me aside. He said that God gave him a vision for me. God gave him a picture of me walking through an apple orchard, picking ripe apples off the trees with bushels behind me. He went onto explain that it meant that I will be heading into a season of bringing many people into the kingdom of God, mentoring, investing in many lives. He actually used the words I’ve been using to explain what’s going to happen in Panama, through “evangelism and discipleship” the nation will be changed. So 1) I’ve never met this guy before 2) Has he been reading my mail? 3) How did he know that I love that analogy of ripe fruit ready for harvest? He didn't!! Heck he didn't know my name...but God used him in a very powerful way...

Clearly, God is at work in my life and will not let my fears get in the way of his soverignty.

Habakuk 2:3-4

Slowly, steadily, surely, the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled. If it seems slow, wait patiently, for it will surely take place. It will not be delayed.4"Look at the proud! They trust in themselves, and their lives are crooked; but the righteous will live by their faith.

everyone was in on it.

2007-06-20T15:47:00.000-07:00

SURPRISE!! I'm 21!!
Alright, so maybe I was more surprised than you are right now. I can now say that I’ve been thrown a surprise party, and am officially great with surprises…I loved it. Although my reaction of screaming and running away could indicate otherwise, a few more seconds to process the shock and I was all smiles. I didn’t know there were so many sneaky people in my life…that I love so much…

And as I grow older I know the decisions I make are shaping my future...critical choices and changes and yet I feel peace. God has guided my past as He is shaping my future, without this knowledge and continual surrender - God only knows where I'd be! This life is pretty crazy though, how years pass and time flies…it really makes me thankful for each day, each moment…this one and only Wednesday June 20th, 2007 that I get to live.

For instance, I just came back from a 2 hr. hike with my 78 (?) year old Grandpa. We talked, we laughed, we stopped for chocolate and juice and walked along an old train track. A reoccurring theme came to mind: Life is short!! Don’t waste it. Live with integrity even when it hurts. Walk in faith. What matters in heaven is what matters on earth. My grandpa was telling me that he didn’t even think he’d be alive in 2000. And he’s planning on sticking around for many years to come…(GO grandpa! How old will I be in 3000 again?) Don’t waste your life!! Don’t live in the past, and don’t focus on the future so hard that today gets blurry. Today is THE day; it’s the only one.

"For we are God's masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so that we can do the good things he planned for us long ago." Ephesians 2:10

jump.

2007-06-10T22:14:00.000-07:00

This past week and a half has been amazingly jam-packed with goodness. Each day I get closer and closer to leaving and that makes me jump for joy and panic at the same time.

God have me alot of opportunites to grow and stretch for His glory and it's actually been a huge amount of fun. I didn't know there were so many spanish people around...ahah..all willing to chuckle at my apparent obession with learning their language.

Let me think of some things I learned this weekend..

God is in control of every detail of our lives, even if He allows us to think otherwise.
I reaaalllly do love warm rain. Thankyou Lord for that beautiful detail.
I try all to hard to fit God into a neat tricia-sized box. He has never, and will never fit into anything He created.
Chicken Enchiladas are realllly filling. Too much, and you will get nauseous.
Families are precious and beautiful things. Never take your family for granted.
Reggaetón orginated in Panama, and is best heard driving around white suburbia.
Followers of Christ could learn a thing or two from cliff jumpers...trust and GO.

The challenge to the missionary does not come on the line that people are difficult to get saved, that backsliders are difficult to relcaim, that there is a wedge of callous indifference; but along the line of his own personal relationship to Christ. "Belive ye that I am able to do this?" Our Lord puts that question steadily, it faces us in every individual case we meet. The one great challenge is - Do I know my Risen Lord? Do I know the power of His indwelling Spirit? Am I wise enough in God's sight, and foolish enough according to the world, to bank on what Jesus Christ has said, or am I abandoning the great supernatural position, which is the only call for a missionary, viz., boundless confiedence in Christ Jesus? If I take up any other meathod I depart altogether from the methods laid down by Our Lord - "All power is given unto Me...therefore go."

- Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest, Oct.27th

hands.

2007-06-06T11:47:00.000-07:00

I came across this picture today and it spoke to a deep place inside of me. I don't ever want to forget that when all is said and done, I am just a small plant inside of God's hands. Safe and secure.

May the road rise to meet you. May the wind always be at your back. May the sunshine warm upon your face, the rain fall soft upon your fields. And until we meet again, May God hold you in the palm of his hand. - Irish Blessing

"See, I have engraved you on the palm of my hands;" - Isaiah 49:16

love.

2007-05-28T09:18:00.000-07:00

Well I sit here, ready to embark on another week…managing at the teahouse is a lot of new responsibility and a lot of fun. This past weekend has been a blast. I’ve met up with great friends and had such a refreshing time at the global day of prayer yesterday.

God is patient with me. I’ll be honest, through the trying times of support raising I’ve sought God to tell me clearly to go back to school and not to Panama. As you can imagine, I felt completely ridiculous doing this because everything in me knows where I am supposed to go. And it sure won’t be back to McMaster next year. It’s hard praying prayers you know won’t occur…if that makes any sense.

Last Friday night I was coming back from Toronto, watching airplanes zoom by and I was just peacefully hanging with God. And then just as I was heading up a hill, my car dies. It completely ran out of gas, and granted I knew it was low. But I thought I knew the car, it had never burnt out on me before. So I panicked, phoning Robyn as I was unintentionally backing down a main road, “I’m currently going backwards on Brant St., COME AND FIND ME!” All of this to say that as I was standing there in the cold, feeling not so happy anymore, I got discouraged and doubtful. Classic: times get rough and I cave. But this time I was praying, "please confirm my going to Panama again at the day of prayer. If you do this, I’ll stop bothering you about it. And please, bring me some gas?"

The gas came and I went. And yesterday the place was packed. We finally found seats and started to pray. A couple minutes flew by and the words I’m hearing from the stage are echoing behind me…but in Spanish. Out of all the places to sit! I was SURROUNDED. The little boy and girl maybe 6 or 7 yrs old sat down right next to me and were talking about me..haha..and about how I kept on looking at them. I was in shock!!? Was I just going delusional? I kept on double-checking that they were translating into Spanish and not Italian or something. And then I sat there in such awe, that God would answer my foolish, doubtful prayer…again. I sat there and wept. Actually I was leaking the whole night. The love God has given me for Panama, Latin America is something I can’t explain. It just oozes out. God’s love is something I think I’m finally beginning to grasp…maybe… it’s just so huge. And amazing.

So that was confirmation #2.2 Bizzilion,

now I really can’t have any excuses.

Honour and Praise to HIS name.
Now I’m off to work.

freedom.

2007-05-23T08:12:00.000-07:00

"The uncertainties of life can help to remind each of us that we are dependent on our Father in Heaven. But that reminder is not automatic. It involves our agency. We must choose to take our fears to him, choose to trust him, and choose to allow him to direct us. We must make these choices when what we feel most inclined to do is to rely more and more on our own frantic and often distorted thinking." ~Virginia H. Pearce

I am learning so much about choosing to embrace the freedom that God wants to give me. It's so much easier said than done. But it's funny how choosing to surrender control actually allows God to do what is best for my life; by letting go I am actually receiving

His best.

Then, calling the crowd to join his disciples, he said, “If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross, and follow me. If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake and for the sake of the Good News, you will save it."

( Mark 8:34-35)

What do you believe?

2007-05-16T23:11:00.000-07:00

“The giant step in the walk of faith is the one we take when we decide God no longer is a part of our lives. He IS our life.”

So far in this quickly passing month of May, I’ve been learning some intensive lessons on faith. It’s something I definitely can’t get enough of, cause when I think I’ve got it, God challenges me to trust him with more and more. Thank goodness God never intends on leaving me where I’m at amidst the struggle to surrender, trust and believe. I am soo grateful for how He is shaping my unbelief and lack of faith into something beautiful.

“Why does God allow us to spend so much of life in the heat of battle? Because He never meant for us to sip His spirit like a proper cup of tea. He meant for us to hold our sweating heads over the fountain and lap up His life with unquenchable thirst.”- Beth Moore

So I've faced it, I can do nothing by my own strength, I need more faith and more of God's Holy Spirit. Its either Him or me, all or nothing, all in - all out. I love this verse in Mark when Jesus says, "Don't be afraid; Just believe." (35:26)

It's really that simple.

when I call on Jesus, all things are possible - I can mount on wings like eagles and soar

2007-05-01T22:49:00.000-07:00

This living in Panama for a year thing,...is starting to really sink in these days. I had a great time last Saturday meeting up with people planning on joining internships with Campus for Christ across Canada and the world. It was a thrilling and exhausting day of training. But mostly thrilling. I can't believe what an adventure it is following Christ. It's the most exciting, joyful, rewarding and terrifying thing life has to offer.

And I look forward to the months ahead, working, and support raising...there are soo many things needed to get done before August. Sometimes, I catch myself questioning if this is really happening. I think, who in their right mind would trust God to raise up such a large sum of money needed for this trip? It is surreal, and I wouldn't rather be anywhere else. Because deep down, even in my times of doubt I know that God has led me to this point in my life for a greater purpose than i could ever know.

And I can trust him with anything and everything.

God is indeed, faithful.

"But blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in him.
He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes;

its leaves are always green.

It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit."

Jeremiah 17:7-8

Spring has sprung and so has this new blog..

2007-04-23T10:53:00.000-07:00

Alright, here I am. Despite my technological problemas and a fatal attempt to blog through planetranger.com, I have now fully entered this blogging world. I really didn't think the day would come. I guess I just couldn't deny the advantages.

As I sit here, I'm thinking ahead to all of the posts that will track the faithfulness of God in my life and in this world. I hope that this will be a great way to connect with my friends, family, and any other extended contacts that wish to hear about my journey towards and through an short term (one year) internship program with Campus for Christ in PANAMA! Words could not express my excitement and anticipation to go on this adventure, to fully rely on God's guidance and not my own fears in the process. How will i deal being away from Canada? Will I be able to communicate in Spanish? How ever will there be enough funding to go? And where will it come from? Despite all the lingering questions in my head I am well aware that God, the foundation of life and this journey he's placed me in, knows what He's doing. And all I want to do is trust him, let him lead the way because Lord knows I would mess things up!

Alright, so have I mentioned how excited I am about this summer? And this day is such a blessing, i love dramatic rainy/windy/bursts of sunshine days. I plan on retrieving all my studio work from school, a little planning of my week, a little reading "funding your ministry" and hanging out with my dearest friend Robyn Asplen (aka. babu, bobby, boeboe, babs, beans, beanzoid, t-bone, i could go on) who just walked in the door!

And how could I forget to mention how happy I am to be an aunt for the 3rd time to a wonderfully beautiful niece, Annalise born on Saturday, April 21st to my brother Dan and his wife Sandi. This world is full of miracles, she is one of them.

Okie doke, that's it for today folks.

Hebrews 11:1
"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see."